There’s something I want to share with you:
Out of the 12 archetypes I painted last year for my solo show, “Archetype: Unknown” at Bisong Gallery, The Stag represents nobility and self love. Not the bad kind of self love, but the kind of pride that comes from knowing who you are, what makes you unique, and owning it.
The kind that will drag you out of the trenches of what some might describe as a terrible year and still feel victorious cause you know you are not the sum of events that happen to you. You are a luminous being serving your life’s purpose as long as you are determined and believe that you are worthy of the success you are moving towards. Even if there is no physical evidence of that. You know in your heart, you are worthy.
That was something I wrote at the end of 2018.
Which brings us to now:
I feel like I lost a bit of myself over the last couple years with the tragedy of losing my father in 2017 and my mother’s aphasia after her stroke a year before. It’s hard to see the good in where I’m at sometimes. It’s time to rediscover who I am, or perhaps it’s merely time that I reinvent that person.
Every day and especially the first weeks of the new year are perfect for embracing change.
To set the course of things to come.
Life is but a larva’s dream of the next stage.
It’s time for radical action. That’s the only way to see great change in your life. Even if it doesn’t work out the way you want it, at least you will know that finally something is happening.
I fear that the things I want most are hiding behind the things I fear even more.
Some really great things happened last year. It’s easy to forget, but perhaps that’s the one good thing about this technology in almost every working class man’s pocket. We have these miniature computers that we use to record so much more of our lives than ever before and at the end of the year my iPhone automatically makes a little movie for me, showing many of the significant times I had. Things that should not be easily forgotten but they are, especially when we get into a self-defeated mood.
Among many notable moments, I set a goal of doing a solo show last year with a consistent body of work and I knew that if I did that, something good would come out of it…
If not anything, I would learn something…
And I did.
I can never be too prepared. I still have time management and focus to work on. But also, that I can focus and make something happen. I did that and had a great crowd show up with many sales. There has been an advancement in my art career as a result of that as well, which is really what I was hoping for. I don’t want to say something is official and have it not work out, but something good definitely did come out of it. We’ll leave it at that for now.
So what’s next?
The Final Stage of Atlas Metamorphosis,
Stage 1 of 4: Emperor Egg
This life ends where a new one begins. The ultimate sacrifice. To allow a part of the old me to die, in order to let new life take form. This is a big transition for me. I firmly believe, and have for 9 years, that once this 4th installment in the Atlas saga is done that my art career will take off in a dramatic way. I am determined to finish it in the coming months and after that, it’s time to show the world. I am very excited and a little scared. That’s exactly what usually comes before a big shift. I’m so ready for it. I must manifest a positive change. I need closure. A completion to a decade of art and mayhem.
And the opportunity to start something new.
I will not continue to do the same thing every year. If I don’t see the change I want, after all my efforts, I am prepared to make an epic shift. I am ready to do what it takes to make my dreams a reality. I will work harder this year than ever and I’m already facing several set backs, just like making this blog post. My site went down last week, this week my permissions wouldn’t let me in, formatting and codes are no longer working and the year has just begun! But living easy didn’t work the last couple years, so it’s time to get uncomfortable again.
What are you doing to move out of your comfort zone? (comment below)
The new mind must now become a mastermind or forever perish under its own mass.
Sometimes we have to keep moving forward even as we see ourselves sliding backwards. That “having faith” thing is tough, whether it’s faith in you, your dream or your future. This past year, my creativity ground almost to a stop as I adjusted to my mom’s advancing dementia. Nothing has changed now except for me. I’m more focused, more determined. I wish for your eyes to stay on your dream, for you to keep moving forward.
I know what you are going through, with my own mother’s aphasia and a close friend’s father’s dementia. We are being faced with our mortality. We must use this time wisely. The best thing we can do is not let it negatively effect the good lives we still have. Stay focused on the positive aspects, even in the face of the hell the world throws at you. It makes you stronger and build character.
I lost my mom when I was 32 years old and my dad 3 years later. I have spent the majority of my life without living parents, and it is a mixed challenge. My parents died at very young ages, but when I was a child they worked hard and I was largely responsible for my younger sister. I feel that this was preparing me for this early loss, but it still has been difficult sometimes to rely totally on myself for major decisions in my life. Now when many of my friends are caring for aging parents, I find myself having the opportunity to finally enjoy a childhood I once missed. My responsibility years have been replaced by fun, and I am challenged by aging myself as I yearn to spend all my time writing and painting. I have come to the end of an era at this point myself after this nine-year cycle. I love the fact that you have captured memories of the last year. Actually Facebook has done this for me and I have had an opportunity to remember those times I might have forgotten in the hullabaloo of life. I too, am trying to focus and not only focus on one thing at a time, but live in the moment and experience the feelings at that time. It will be interesting to see if that makes a difference in what I recall,…..or better still what I recall in more detail in the future. We are all being offered a great opportunity at this time…I hope I can be worthy of its gifts and truly live my life to the fullest in 2019 and beyond…… I see your greatness, Vincent, and wish you the best on this solo journey.
I appreciate you sharing your story here so much Marilyn. It took me a while to respond cause I really had to soak that in. You offer some words of hope that I share, in knowing my father is not suffering in his old age. That was the one thing he made very clear after dealing with his own mother’s deteriorating health, he just said, “what’s the point of that?” He got exactly what he wanted: A full, great life fulfilled and when it came time that his life would no longer be of ease, he accepted the end. I admire his courage to go forth into the unknown in such a way.
I, like you, am free to live my life to the fullest, so it is important for me to do just that. With enough time distance now from the suffering I endured, I’m ready to make this year the best one yet.
Here’s hoping you do the same! Keep in touch.